Lately Ive been getting a weird feeling about my relationship. The weird thing is we've been getting along great. So maybe Im just trippin, but its like an unsaid cloud following us overhead. I think it may be over. Not by my choice. But nonetheless.
It would seem that if you dont believe in a relationship it will fail. Im beginning to think, now that there is little to fight for, Bubba wants out. Maybe the excitements gone. Maybe hes just had enough of trying. He never wanted to be in a relationship that was work. And our relationship is. Were polar opposites!
I dont mind it. Hey, they say opposites attract! The attractions still there, for me at least. But somethings off. I cant put my finger on it, and thats what erks me the most. If somethings wrong I want to know. If its over. I need to know. Might as well end it, while feelings can be spared.
Instead of taking it further, building more future plans and then dropping the unsuspected surprise! I cant let that happen. Ive planned out my life around his and my wishes. Not just mine. Ive made plenty sacrifices, as has he. I dont want it to be over, but argh. Its hard to explain.
He thinks we always fight, he hates talking to me, he wont do good night kisses for some odd known reason, he hates my phone call obsession, he doesnt believe we have a future, he doesnt want marriage, he wont try for a child, I annoy him, and he thinks I do too much for him.
Well what is it? Am I smothering him, or crowding his space? Or am I really tripping? He says we need to live together before we can figure anything out. But Im not trying to live with him on a trial basis. Were either in it together, and well make it work living together. Or we give up if we think we wont be compatible room-mates. Fuck that. If you want a relationship you fight for it. If you dont you make excuses as to why its going to fail, and hopefully the other person agrees and breaks it off without you having to do the dirty work.
If thats the case. Then dont spare my feelings, the truth hurts, but a breakup like this will hurt even more. So when do I get the chance to be an adult too? Not have my feelings saved? The truth comes out eventually, why not just tell it before it boils inside of you and explodes on someone?! By not sparing my feelings now, he will spare my feelings later.
I cant work shit out if I dont know theres shit to be worked out. Im sitting over here thinking everythings hunky dorie, and he might have a volcanoe seeping out of his ears.
So, I wonder is it over? Or am I trippin?
Peace out.
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